What do you do when the joy fades? You take steps to break up with the person. Depending on what caused you to break up with the person, will determine how long it takes you to get over them.
Letting that person go, breaking up with that person, whom you shared an emotional bond with, will at first, give you a sense of relief.
You will feel like a ton weight has just been removed from your back, and it will be a great feeling. You will feel more at ease, more relaxed, more joyful and energized. Other emotions you may feel during this stage are anger maybe even intense anger and satisfaction. And depending on the length of time that the relationship took place, will determine how long you will be in this post-breakup stage, and feeling this sense of relief.
For longer relationships, this post-breakup stage can take anywhere around 6 months sometimes even longer. Whereas, after ending shorter relationships, you will usually be in this relief stage for around 1 — 3 months. Many dating experts also suggest going no-contact with your ex during this stage. They say that this stage tends to go by quicker in if you have no communication with the person you dumped.
You may want to go to parties and will want to have more fun. It will feel like a celebration. How you carry yourself and the activities you take part in during this stage, will work as a distraction to take your mind off of all of the negative things that occurred during your relationship. You will find yourself taking part in activities that you may not have tried during your relationship, but may have had an urge to. These distractions will work as a stress reliever.
They will allow you to release all of the built-up negative energy and tension that you held in during your relationship.
The release will feel like therapy. During this excitement stage, depending on the length of time that the relationship took place, will determine how long you will be in this post-breakup stage, and feeling this sense of emotional liberation. For longer relationships, this post-breakup stage can take anywhere around 3 — 12 months sometimes longer.
Whereas, after ending shorter relationships, you will usually be in this excitement stage for around a month. After you feel the relief of getting out of a stressful relationship, and you feel the excitement of your freedom, and you start to have fun like you never had before, your emotions will run higher, and higher.
Once you come down from your positive emotional high, your mind will start to wonder, and your thoughts will begin to race back and forth, You will begin to feel all types of negative emotions as you play the relationship back in your head, and you will become sad…. During this sadness stage, as you play the relationship back in your head, you will have all types of contradicting thoughts.
The sadness that you feel during this stage, will go up and down, as one moment your thoughts are pointing towards your ex as the reason for the break-up, and the next moment, your thoughts point at you.
Relationship experts say that this stage is very normal after leaving an intimate relationship.Remember Me? Buzz Articles Advanced Search. Page 1 of 2 1 2 Last Jump to page: Results 1 to 10 of Thread: One Dumpers' Grieving Process. One Dumpers' Grieving Process Hello everyone! I'm having the best day I've had since the breakup - the first day where I feel totally good and happy and life feels electric again - and it's for no specific reason other than I guess I'm finally coming out of the clouds.
I was the dumper, and for any of you dumpers out there that are grieving but maybe don't feel allowed to grieve or don't know how to grieve as the dumper, I wanted to share my experiences. Dumpees, maybe this will shed some light on how at least one dumper felt. Background: 3. Had moved in together about 3 months before the BU. I went away on an internship and realized I wasn't happy in my relationship.
Broke up end of July I started dating someone else a few weeks after the BU - still dating this person today quite happily!
Stages Your Ex Goes Through During No Contact
Grieving process: Relief The first couple months I felt free as a bird. I was so relieved - the breakup needed to happen, I knew that, and I was proud that I had the strength to end something that I had poured myself into for years.
Guilt This feeling has carried on throughout the breakup, and it lead to a lot of the following painful stages. I hurt someone I loved very deeply. I hated myself for it. Although I was unhappy in our relationship, I think I spent a long time pretending to be happy because I didn't want to deal with loss, and more importantly, I didn't want to hurt my partner. This guilt kicked in about a month after the BU, and it's been sitting on my shoulder ever since. It's slowly fading away.
Withdrawl I felt so guilty that I withdrew for most things I loved - I didn't deserve happiness. This stage lasted about 4 months, at which point I realized that I needed to spend more time with the people I cared about before they forgot me entirely. Longing Around Christmas, or 5 months after the breakup, I missed my ex a lot.
I missed his family. I missed our rituals. I missed us. I also knew that going back would be of no benefit to me. The relationship ended for a reason. Rough times.
Anger At some point between months I realized that I really needed to work on myself. I was miserable despite knowing I wanted out of the relationship. I started therapy, and my therapist finally started to help me accept that my ex wasn't that great of a boyfriend - it was totally legitimate to want out. He was very hurtful throughout our relationship, and I brushed all that pain under the rug and kept telling myself it was my fault he was cruel.
It was an abuse recovery case, and this turned into me becoming angry with my ex - this as around month Also, I felt even more guilty for being angry on top of all the previous guilt. Depression I'm not an angry person by nature, so my anger was short lived and it lead me to really hating myself. I kept thinking - okay, so you hurt the guy badly by leaving him and moving on quickly, and now you're MAD at him? You suck!Even though it may not seem like the dumpers are in pain after they have initiated the break-up, they are hurting on the inside.
They project grief through anger and avoidance. The dumpers temporarily become unrecognizable to the dumpees as they seem as if they have transformed into different people. But, unfortunately, they act this way only towards the dumpee.
They say and do things out of self-defense to protect themselves from emotional pain. Despite still having feelings for the dumpee, they do it not to exhibit any hope of reconciliation. A huge weight is finally lifted off their shoulders as they have been meaning to initiate the break up for weeks or months, but never found the time or the courage to do it. They see this as an opportunity to restart their life and consider dating other people. This is the worst stage for the dumpee as the dumpee thinks that the dumper is very happy without the dumpee.
This stage begins from the moment of the termination of the relationship and lasts anywhere up to a few months. If the dumper starts dating shortly after the break-up, the relief phase will most probably last until the end of the honeymoon stage of a rebound relationship.
Dumpers feel like they were released from their confinement and start running wild, doing all the crazy things a single person can do. Elation stage normally lasts about a month before the dumper runs out of steam and regresses back to his or her old ways of living.
It would take a conscious effort for the dumper to change permanently and to form a new habit. When relief and elation stages of a break-up end, the dumper starts thinking more about the dumpee.
He or she begins to wonder what his or her ex is up to and whether the dumpee has found someone new. At this stage, dumpers start missing their dumpee and might reach out to see if they are still available.
This is why indefinite no contact rule is so important for those dumpees who wish to reconcile with their ex sometime in the future.
If the dumper is seeing someone newthe dumper will compare his or her new relationship to his or her old relationship and notice all the things his or her new relationship lacks not the other way around — the things the old relationship lacked. They slowly start letting go of some of the negative memories that led to the break-up and tend to lean more towards the positive ones. Moreover, dumpers begin to appreciate their dumpees for the things they have done and for who they were throughout the relationship.
Or they might even apologize for putting the dumpee through a hard time in hopes of reconciliation. But no matter what they say, they usually reach out in the form of breadcrumbs to apologize due to their guilt. As a result of anxiety, the dumper ponders what he or she could have done differently to prevent the break-up from happening. At this point, the dumper may send subliminal messages to his or her ex to feel the waters and see if the dumpee holds any hard feelings toward him.Remember Me?
Buzz Articles Advanced Search. Page 1 of 2 1 2 Last Jump to page: Results 1 to 10 of Thread: One Dumpers' Grieving Process.
One Dumpers' Grieving Process Hello everyone! I'm having the best day I've had since the breakup - the first day where I feel totally good and happy and life feels electric again - and it's for no specific reason other than I guess I'm finally coming out of the clouds. I was the dumper, and for any of you dumpers out there that are grieving but maybe don't feel allowed to grieve or don't know how to grieve as the dumper, I wanted to share my experiences.
Dumpees, maybe this will shed some light on how at least one dumper felt. Background: 3. Had moved in together about 3 months before the BU. I went away on an internship and realized I wasn't happy in my relationship.
Broke up end of July I started dating someone else a few weeks after the BU - still dating this person today quite happily! Grieving process: Relief The first couple months I felt free as a bird. I was so relieved - the breakup needed to happen, I knew that, and I was proud that I had the strength to end something that I had poured myself into for years. Guilt This feeling has carried on throughout the breakup, and it lead to a lot of the following painful stages.
I hurt someone I loved very deeply. I hated myself for it. Although I was unhappy in our relationship, I think I spent a long time pretending to be happy because I didn't want to deal with loss, and more importantly, I didn't want to hurt my partner. This guilt kicked in about a month after the BU, and it's been sitting on my shoulder ever since.
It's slowly fading away.5 Stages of a breakup for the dumper - precious anara
Withdrawl I felt so guilty that I withdrew for most things I loved - I didn't deserve happiness. This stage lasted about 4 months, at which point I realized that I needed to spend more time with the people I cared about before they forgot me entirely.
Longing Around Christmas, or 5 months after the breakup, I missed my ex a lot. I missed his family. I missed our rituals.
Stages Of A Breakup For The Dumper
I missed us. I also knew that going back would be of no benefit to me.If you are in a rebound relationship or your ex seems to be in one, the stages of a rebound relationship for the dumper mentioned in this article are for you.
Every person rebounding shortly after their long-term relationship is prone to suffer from the difficulties that rebound relationships bring. The 6 stages of a rebound relationship follow a similar pattern to the 5 stages of a breakup for the dumper. The most significant difference between the two is the actual time it takes to get to the last stage. As we often mention on this blog, there is no faster way to regret breaking up with a long-term partner than to experience a myriad of incompatibilities with the next dating candidate.
Couples in long-term relationships have a tendency to take each other for granted. They often experience GIGS — the grass is greener syndrome and develop negative thoughts for each other. So regardless of whether you are the dumpee or the dumper, rebounds tend to work similarly for both types. The 6 mentioned stages of a rebound relationship are not avoidable. They are based on human grief and the psychology behind it.
Here are the 6 stages of a rebound relationship for the dumper people go through right after their long-term relationship. They feel as if they have been released from the worst prison on Earth and must now make use of their time.
Because dumpers feel motivated and inspired by their new-found freedom, they often look for new activities and people to attract themselves to. After some searching and digging, they eventually come across somebody that either resembles their dumpee or actually has absolutely nothing in common with him or her. Because dumpers feel extremely relieved that their long-term relationship has come to an end, they project this new energy onto their next dating candidate.
Everyone adores being in love and dumpers are no different. Since love consists of powerful emotions, dumpers yet again feel very happy to love and to be loved by somebody.
As a result of their intense relief and unusual optimism for a new romantic opportunity, they infatuate over their new partner and raise him or her high above all priorities. In this infatuated stage of a rebound relationship, dumpers put this new person so high up on a pedestal that they see him or her as a person with no flaws.
In their minds, they transform their new boyfriend or girlfriend into a divine being incapable of sinning. They make this new person seem amazing at just about everything. Anything their dumpee could do, this new person can do 10 times better. During this stage of intense relief, dumpers post happy pictures with their new rebound, go out a lot, date, party and do the opposite of what dumpees are used to them doing.
Honeymoon is often described as the blind stage.But these questions are legit, as the answers can enable us to counteract possible contact attempts by our Ex. While most people already know how important the rule is for their recovery, they nonetheless look for loopholes to break it. The problem with this rule is that we do not recognize its necessity right at the beginning of the breakup.
This way, they'll be still around. The secret often subconscious hope is that they can turn everything around and get back together again. Why would they want to stay friends or still in contact? The Dumper wants to stay friends for nearly the same reasons as the Dumpee, only their motivation is different:. One of the most important prerequisites for the No Contact Rule to work is to not fall for their games of power.
The best thing a Dumper can do for the Dumpee is to help them follow the No Contact Rule by proposing and enforcing it themselves. It may be perceived as cruel and cold, but you are following an ulterior motive that will help them in the long run. You will go through the different breakup stages much quicker and eventually learn all the reasons that lead to the breakup.
See the decision of going No Contact with your Ex as a milestone on your way to independence and happiness. He must have someone else right? Please log in again. The login page will open in a new tab. After logging in you can close it and return to this page. What psychological effect does this have on them? Why do we even want to know? But is this the real reason we went No Contact in the first place? Going No Contact with an Ex may very well push their buttons.
Are you really prepared for that? They may take advantage of you for occasional sex without commitment this is especially the case for male Dumpers.Watch the video above all the way through as Coach Lee discusses the stages your ex will go through while you are using the no contact rule. Then, read the content below carefully to help yourself retain and reinforce the knowledge you need about the stages your ex will likely go through. People often think that their ex walks away unscathed after they break up with them.
As though the leaver flicks a switch at the moment of the breakup and immediately starts having a great life that never includes thoughts of the person they left or doubts about their decision to end the relationship.
At the moment of this writing I have nearly twenty years in the relationship recovery service and I can tell you that thinking your ex has a simple path after they broke up with you is most likely untrue.
Stages Of A Breakup For The Dumper
If you start applying the no contact rule after the breakup, you are not only giving yourself the best chance to get your ex back, but you are responding with maturity and dignity. While you are not contacting your ex, they are forced and allowed to experience the true consequences of their decision to break up with you. This happens as an emotional reaction or response to loss, grief, and various seasons of realization.
It probably hurts some, but it is necessary and in your best interest that your ex goes through this first stage during no contact. So the relief is less about getting away from you though there is likely some of that and more about being glad they got something over with that was difficult, awkward, and painful.
The sooner you leave your ex completely alone did I say completely? During the relief period, you might see pictures on social media of your ex going out with friends and even acting silly. Your ex is doing this because there is an initial realization of freedom and all the possibilities that exist with it. Your prison is walking through this world all alone.
Your ex will then start to live in the new normal that they have caused which will be days and nights without you. After the initial relief your ex will feel right after the breakup, the next stages of no contact usually after a one to three weeks put your ex in a stage of curiosity.
Your ex begins to wonder what you are doing, since they used to be informed of your daily experiences when you two were together. Your ex also likely begins to wonder who you are doing things with and since they have no answers, this mystery sticks with them with growing intensity. Their curiosity exists even if your ex is in a rebound relationship. In fact, any new person will be easily accessible and informing your ex of their daily activities which makes yours a greater mystery and frustration.
If there is a rebound relationship happening in this stage, your ex can begin to view them as a nuisance and even see their relationship as artificial. This usually causes your ex to exit the rebound even earlier so breathe a sigh of relief for that. Every time your ex sees a text or call from the new person, it only further fails to relieve the curiosity and mystery that still exists from stage 2 because it is not you. Though it starts off somewhat small, your ex can begin to associate disappointment in the calls, texts, and even in the presence of any new person there might be!
If there is no new relationship, this applies to anyone who contacts them because your ex looks at their phone thinking it might be you but only sees that it is not — again. As life without you begins to show itself to be disappointment, your ex enters the next stage of our plan. Whereas you ex felt mostly an artificial breakup because it was within their control. But that changes when your ex realizes that it appears you could move on with your life and be lost to another person or that you could simply stop wanting to get back together with them.
They worry that you might have moved on and they lose the ability to expect you to reach out to them. For some people and in many cases, this is when no contact starts working enough that your ex reaches out to you. They at least want you to slow down because they fear you might be moving on until they figure out what they want.
They just want to feel some connection with you and dig their heels in to keep you near just in case. I hope things have been going well. I go over more strategic responses in my Emergency Breakup Kit. Again, I go over this in a structured and more strategic way in my Emergency Breakup Kit or you can book a coaching call with me. April 9, April 9, April 3, April 9,